Lead
"Suddenly all they want to do is have secret conversations with their friends — nothing to tell us anymore." "They play by their own private rules and are way too sensitive about being left out." These are observations many parents make around ages 9–10.
This period is sometimes called the "gang age" in Japanese child development writing — a term whose sound in Japanese, as in English, might conjure images of trouble. In the developmental science literature, however, it describes a stage children necessarily pass through in acquiring social competence. The shift toward prioritizing peers over parents is not a regression. It is, from a developmental standpoint, progress.
This article examines what same-sex peer-group formation means, why it happens at this age, and how parents can find a useful distance from it.